The Trial

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Artwork from Pink Floyd’s The Wall

So hollow inside
so much emptiness…
torment and nausea
the only tangible feelings
Yet this torture
is self-inflicted…
By my own hands
have I reached
this pinnacle of sorrow

Darkness entered me
before I had a chance…
a chance to grow
flourish
in this life…
After the darkness
came pain and regret
all it could do is grow–
poison my mind…

Binding chains of agony
seized every moment…
I began to doubt
all that is
even myself…
But by my actions
I have seen
these horrors
I begged for this…
this hell—

I wanted this–
to face the trials now
be done with it…
I would slowly
come to find
that I could never
see the world
through those
virgin eyes again—
my purity
ripped from me…

how the pain
will change you…

Fear
despair
undying loneliness
uncertainty…
insanity to mold me
into this
brittle piece of clay…
There was
no escape from it…

Desperately I search
I strive to
find a way out…
Always a locked door
always a dead end…

Occasionally a ray
of light dares
to seep into
this mire of darkness–
and I start
to believe again…
But then its gone
along with
its false happiness 

Is there no way
to be freed?

Countless tears shed
my soul cannot rest
nor can my mind
stop its betrayal…
I ask for comfort
from the heavens
but my prayers
go unanswered

There is no comfort
from this disease—
this cancer of the mind
It grows and subdues—
eats—
until nothing remains

Every day I walk alone
through this world
of illusions—shadows…
Everybody wears the mask
so afraid of
what they really are
too conformed to it
for it to ever be removed…
If only I could
remove my mask…

Would I now
be lost unto myself?

Have I strayed
too far to salvage
what remains?
My dim light
flickers steadily
towards imminent demise…
I need to feel
that forgotten love…
A love that burns
hot enough to purge
the mask
temper what lies beneath…

For now I remain hidden
in an endless moment…

All I’ve left is faith
Faith that this
is just a trial
just a test—
too see how far
I can be bent
without breaking…
faith that this trial
will make me stronger
in ways I cannot see
right now…
So I endure…

Written by Matthew (1995)
© 2015 This Mortal Flesh

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10 thoughts on “The Trial

  1. Pingback: The Trial | Duality en Flux

  2. This is beautiful… A lovely read from start to finish with lots of depth and insight… It took me on a journey through the pain… It made me remember what I’m ready to forget…

    Liked by 1 person

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