The Machine

The Machine

cog gears blog1 Cloud Computing’s Concealed Complexity

Experience leads me to the edge and trust lets me fall again.
Spinning all the way down in this delirium—this abyss of chaos.
I’ve been to this place before, yet the weight of it still leaves me overwhelmed.
This time I’ve landed on my feet however, and I am not daunted.
There is a strange comfort here now—comfort in the fact that I am now content to make this place my home.
Darkness turns to light and I begin to see more clearly the moving parts—how the machine operates.
My mind urges caution…move slower this time
because I still don’t know if I am strong enough to avoid becoming part of it.
Numerous parts move subtly, in mechanical motions, still with only a hint of predictability—
I’ve been to this place many times…studying…plotting.
The machine drones on hypnotically and the more I press forward…
the more difficult it becomes to concentrate.
There is so much noise yet so much of it is meaningless.
There is no real escape from the machine—this is just something that has to be endured while it functions.
Perhaps a sabot?

Written by Matthew – 2015
© 2015 This Mortal Flesh

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Crying From the Darkness

Here in the dark corners of life time drifts casual.

All alone in the dark,

the mind drowns in old emotions,

old sensations.

The pain, it remains…

the regret and sorrow,

the salt on the open wound.

After living in this darkness for so long

how can an individual remain the same?

Something inside changes…

you become aware.

Aware of those who would hurt you.

So betrayed by life yet still you must struggle to live.

Where is the sanity?..

someone to take this pain away?

But how could they want someone so lost and hollow.

This lonely, cold, dark world no man should bear.

The hells that lie within the darkness should never be suffered unto.

Shear misery.

Yet I feign happiness for the world.

Wearing this binding mask to blind them.

For they can never know of this pain within.

In these times death just looms stagnantly above…

taunting…

The drift divides yet it will not consume me.

Too weak to fight I slip away into the recesses,

hidden in endless time.

Yet, there is an undying hope that one day…

I will be found.

Written by Matthew – May 1997 (before I met my wife who saved me!)
© 2015 This Mortal Flesh

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This is one of my earlier posts that continues to gain views. I get numerous search engine hits for some reason. Figured I would repost. This is an old piece I wrong in the angst of my youth.

Wretched Mind

Art by maxlapotit – maxlapotit.deviantart.com

Oh wretched mind,

how I loathe you.

From naught, you abruptly open wounds long cauterized.

You slow-bleed my thoughts, as to prolong my suffering.

Blood feeds beasts lying long forgotten.

Heavily I crash into the dust—feeling devoured.

My noisome carcass strewn about, decaying under the burden of a vitriolic sun.

Woe to the weary nomad that should stumble upon this calamity.

Written by Matthew – 2015
© 2015 This Mortal Flesh

The Old Man in the Coffee Shop

About 20 years ago, in a college town, I happened upon a small coffee shop. As I slowly sipped a Red Eye, I pondered my young existence. I noticed an old man glancing at me over his glasses. I suppose he noticed I looked somewhat dejected so he asked if I would join him. We talked for an hour or so about life in general and my spiritual struggles at the time. He told me of his son, whom he didn’t speak with much anymore and I told him of my doubts about humanity. The old man offered some advice and empathized with my spiritual peril. He told me that I would understand more as I age. Before he left he smiled and gave me a folded piece of paper. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I waited until he was gone before I unfolded it. What he left me were several bits of writing he had done. I read his poems and placed the parchment into a box with my own writing materials.

Today I was going through that box which contained old songs lyrics I had written and I stumbled across this piece of paper again. After re-reading his poems with an aged mind I’ve decided that the old man should be heard by a larger audience. The following is a collection of poems written by Glen Uhrmacher…the old man in the coffee shop.

Thought

Did I waste those precious moments…

that seemed would never end?

Did I live my life too ridged…

would a kinder person bend?

Am I a fool to ask this now;

when I should have thought before?

That you pass this way but once…

Then silently close the door.

Mind

I am your mind, and I can be…

anything you ask of me.

I can lift you up to the heights of heaven…

or drop you to the depths of hell.

I can make you laugh, make you cry…

make you sick, or make you well.

So when you think I shall listen.

For this you should know!

I can be your friend…

or I can be your foe.

The Reply

If somehow I was given the strength

to break this mortal bond

and had within my person

the power to go beyond

to sweep the stars from out my way

and with giant strides those heavens trod

still I would return to say

you were wrong my friend, there is a God…

Written by Matthew – 2015

with credit to Glen Uhrmacher

© 2015 This Mortal Flesh

Begin to See!

Art by Sebmaestro http://sebmaestro.deviantart.com/art/Lost-in-thoughts-257364478

What is wrong with the human mind? Can we not fathom that we are like a plague upon this world. We feed gluttonously off of the land and cause deep scars on this earth. No other creation of God has done so much damage. Even when we are presented with the evidence of our misdoings we refuse to change; either out of greed, out of convenience or out of disbelief. We refuse to see the bigger picture…the one that shows us destroying ourselves. It’s easy to blame the big corporations for things like global warming or whatever, but do we not fund them as consumers? Do we not enable them to continue spewing pollution into our world? If the Earth is like a human body, we are an infection. Does the body not defend itself to fight off the infection? The infection is eventually eradicated. Its time we wake up. Wake up and be concerned about the damage we create with our hands. Is it not time to take personal responsibility for our part in this?

We need to start to treat each other in a way that perpetuates kindness. Why do some of us feast while others starve? This makes no sense to me. This is the system that has been created and that we are now unfortunately conformed to. This does not mean we have to be complacent. Greedy corporations have people brainwashed in order to sell their products. They sell us convenience…materialistic garbage that has no real value. Maybe we feel like we do not need to take care of our neighbors. Maybe we’ve consumed well beyond our means and are now slaves to debt. We’ve been convinced that we need to look out for ourselves, our family and there is truth in that…but what about our species? Its hard to take on a new mentality. One that tells us to feed that bum…that bum that should “get a job”. The fact is there are lazy people…sponges and parasites. I still think that ultimately, we are, as a species, responsible for this. Why do we not bring all food and clothes to the store house in order to ensure all are fed and dressed? Why do we hold back and maintain our own portion and provision? Why do we not just help the sick get well instead of taking them for every last dime?…selling treatments instead of cures?…because there is more money in the treatment then the cure? This is how we have failed as a species. We rob each other and quarrel over words and trivial things. We mistreat each other at every turn. We’ve developed this hatred for our own kind. This system has desensitized us to this reality. We simply refuse to see it. We are truly a species divided against itself.

I’m sure there are people that see this…people that feel this way…people that have made changes to improve their world…people helping their neighbor…people doing their part. I’m only beginning to wake up to this. I’m just starting to see that my personal approach has been misguided and in fact, wrong.

At this point I convict myself as a hypocrite, because, I don’t even know how to completely break the cycle. I will, however, start taking steps and making changes in my life that will hopefully begin to strip the gears of this machine…if only my own. I will become more informed about things detrimental to the world. I will speak out about these things. I will be the change I want to see in the world. Who am I to judge who is worth my kindness and who is not? The bum that asks me for money will have food or clothes. I will love my enemy. I will find ways to reduce consumption, reduce waste and reuse or recycle that which remains.

Written by Matthew – 2014

© 2015 This Mortal Flesh

Ripple Effect

It’s so easy to feel down in this day and age. It’s so easy to look at the world and be totally dismayed. I mean how does one not get sucked into the fray of madness as the world spins out of control? You can only duck and dodge for so long before a lucky punch lands. This does not have to knock you from your feet though…and even if it does you will get back up. So the world is a crazy and impersonal place. Why must this bother us on an individual level? Did you make it that way? Are you part of the problem?..or are you just a passer-by that got hit with the stray bullet? We go on day to day…the same places…the same situations…nothing changes. Can we not see we are sleepwalking through life? You blink and you are 40 years old. You blink again and you’re 80…if you even make it that far. This tells us that it is time to wake up. Life is way too short to live everyday asleep or be a cog in the wheel. Wake up! Life goes by too quickly to spend it in the depths of sorrow. Before you know it you are looking back on a life filled with sadness and regret. Live damn it!! Get angry that you’ve been slighting yourself out of joy and fulfillment. You’re life has value and you can do so much to make the world a better place…a place that is not filled with sadness and displeasure.

Many cannot understand that their deeds have a ripple effect on their community. If you treat someone badly the odds are they will remember this and at some point treat someone else badly because of this past experience. The same goes for good. We may not be able to see the change we create in the world but we must strive to be that change nonetheless. What do you want your world to be? I challenge you to do something good for someone at least once every day. It could be as simple as yielding your right of way to another driver on the road. Even such a miniscule deed can cause a ripple. Maybe that person remembers what it was like trying to make that turn or get out of that parking lot and they pay that forward…and the ripple goes on and on and on. The simple fact is that the more good you put into the world the more people the ripple will reach.

I was sitting in my car in a shopping center parking lot the other day with my young son. An old lady was trying to put her groceries into her car which was parked in front of me. A younger lady of another race began to pull into the spot next to her and I could tell the older lady got a little flustered and tried to rush as fast as she could. The younger woman could not completely pull into the cramped space because of the older woman’s cart and car door. The younger lady put her car into park and got out. To my surprise she offered the older lady assistance and helped her stow the groceries. That ripple hit me hard. I felt like I should have got out to help her before the younger lady even pulled in. I was proud of this young stranger and her actions reached me. After the older lady was done she began to walk her cart to the front of a store; however, a young man who had also witnessed this incident got out of his car and offered to take her cart. I felt floored.

This world that is so easy to despise and get lost in still has so much good in it. It is so simple to do good for someone. I posit that the greatest good lies within the simplest acts of kindness and humility. It costs absolutely NOTHING to be a good person and the effect of this is more than you could ever know. So I ask why not? Why not do something good for someone each day? Why not put yourself out there and help someone else? Do this and take note of how you feel after a month. This world is good only if WE make it that way.

Written by Matthew – 2015

© 2015 This Mortal Flesh