Rise

Sunrise–sunset–it all depends

on your point of view…

As for me–this is my new dawn–

a day I’ve dreamt but never known…

~Matthew

2019

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Thirteen…

Image result for blood in water art

13 reasons—68 seasons
a trillion tears to fall
the weeping mind
writes line by line
bitter words on a freezing wall

stinging ice—one slice twice
to cut it all away
the numbing cancer
a final answer
if darkness lights the day

yet pain is a fetter—tying together
lonely days living dead
drowning in questions
guilting inflections
13 reasons why you fled

Written by Matthew – 2017
© 2017 This Mortal Flesh
Photo

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Suicide is never an answer. That pain goes on and spread though the lives of everyone you have touched. The mind can be such an awful thing. I encourage anyone reading this to seek help from more than one source if you’ve ever had suicidal thoughts or ideations. If you are reading this and you are strong, I encourage you to reach out to others you may see in need. We are our brothers and sisters keepers. Spread love not pain.

Suicide Hotline: (800) 273-8255
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
https://www.crisistextline.org/

 

Grieve

Image result for blindfold world burning deviantart

lack of clear vision
or intolerance?

world of the lost
or same as its ever been?

so inherently flawed
gaped mouths appalled

grieve for perfection
we have never known

grieve for the sunken road
the conductor has no control

thrashing through muck and mire
kindling for a dying fire

insanity—violence
dignity—silenced

a monster slipped the skin
a monster we let in…

Written by Matthew – 2019
© 2019 This Mortal Flesh
Image

Marrow

disagio bianco by agnes-cecile

this feeling that abates but never flees
undefined thoughts that drive me to my knees
like some kind of elliptical orbit they stray
only to revisit on some random day

if less than nothing could ever be real
that still would not touch this way that I feel
slighted out of some obscured glorious destiny
my dreams just beyond reach decay infinitely

thus here I sit in the position where I’ll die
among the hopeless others who suffer same as I
wanting—pleading—seeking solace from our sorrow
as the free feast richly upon our precious marrow

Written by Matthew – 2019
© 2019 This Mortal Flesh
Image

 

Indignant

I don’t want
your pity
your empathy
your sympathy

I know what I am…
strength in fragility
placing others before me
something only I see

I know at times
I turn my head
hide in my bed
twist words said

I know my flaws
my casual withdraw
the lack of wherewithal
my willingness to brawl

am I just delusional
seeing myself false
know you not my pulse
tell me if I’m lost

I’ve been told
you reap what your sow
and I’ve felt karma’s blow
so where did the good go…

Written by Matthew – 2016
© 2018 This Mortal Flesh
Photo: Pinterest

 

Inconsequential

Nobody callin

No one carin

Nobody even thinkin

About me

Not that I need

But it would feel good

To know someone cares

About me

Where did I go so wrong

How do I rank so low

Please somebody tell me

Did I take too long

To recognize

False confidence

Could never have served me…

But I loved

Always cared

Never dared

To hold myself over

What I loved

What I feared

What I never had thought

Could be…

I’m still here

By my self

But not alone

I still fear

All the nothing

What I have always known…

Me vs. Me

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wake the fuck up
snap out of it
so your life is not
sunshine and titties
so what if you
are only a tiny spec
of nothing
in a world
filled with somethings
this is still life
and it only lasts
so long
at the end
it’s just over
later today
tomorrow
in 20 years
done
and what did you do
but live out
your days
in some depressive
haze

FUCK!!!

oh there you are
my logical brain
such theories
such advice
so tell me how
how can I
just live
not worry
have no fear
find more than
mere respite
stop feeling
only rejection
worthlessness
how can the undesired
feel wanted
in this world
filled with vanity
better yet
how can I feel
optimism
when the end
could strike
without warning

….help………

Written by Matthew – 2018
© 2018 This Mortal Flesh
Image from Pinterest